Blue Heron Counselling
A designation of BC Association of Clinical Counsellors
Shelley Botterill, RCC
​Nanaimo BC
Blue Heron Counselling Services
Hakomi
Hakomi is a mindfulness based, body-centered form of assisted self study. I use this method both for healing and personal growth. By entering into a mindful state we are usually able to study ourselves in a more gentle, deeper, and holistic way. Including the body is part of holistic healing. Simply put, thoughts and emotions do not exist without the body. Including the body in therapy is often more effective and can offer more lasting results than talk therapy alone. While this may sound complex, in my experience, most people find this approach to feel natural and personal.
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For more information about Hakomi please click here
Family Therapy
We hold a special place for family therapy in our hearts. Parents are awesome. That awesomeness wins out for us at the end of the day. Parents can be incredibly hard on themselves. The fear and guilt of ‘not getting it right’, ‘messing up their kids’, or ‘not being what their children need’ feels unbearable at times. And yet, they keep trying despite some of the most overwhelming and painful feelings. Why? Because, we believe, their love for their children is bigger. Hence...parents are awesome.
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We are influenced by Bowen Family Systems theory as it provides principles to guide healthy family functioning; and Emotionally Focused Family Therapy as its focus is on supporting parents and caregivers to heal their families. Also, we have used both of these models in our family and found them to be helpful.
Couples Therapy
We love working with couples. As hurt, lost, and hopeless as we can be in our relationships we have seen people make changes they did not think were possible. It is personally satisfying to help people work through old hurts, and communicate in a helpful and loving way. Sometimes the couples we work with find it helpful to work from a teaching or educational perspective. At other times people find a more experiential approach helpful. In addition to talking about how to change, at times we assist couples by practicing along side them.
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We are influenced by the work of The Gottmans as they have a well validated and practical method; and by Dr. Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy as it focuses on providing couples with the experience of being heard, meeting needs and working through past wounds.
Grief, Loss and Companioning the Bereaved
We are influenced by the work of Dr. Alan Wolfelt and his philosophy around working with the bereaved. If you are experiencing loss you may by struggling and in need support outside of your family and social network such as a counsellor. We can help you process and accept your loss and assist you in adjusting to a life without your loved one. We can help you by providing a safe place to explore how the loss has impacted your life and develop the necessary tools in order to manage your difficult feelings. For example, we teach people how to pay attention to their breath and body which can assist you in working through the waves of grief as opposed to being overwhelmed by them.
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When you lose a loved one in a traumatic way, such as by suicide, murder, or poisoning, it is likely you will experience a more complicated response to your loss. Traumatic loss can be followed by sudden and unexpected feelings and thoughts which appear to be outside of your control. It is common in traumatic loss for you to experience more intense and troubling symptoms such as sleep disturbances, anxiety, low mood, depression, and intrusive and looping thoughts and flashbacks. These often interferes with day-to-day functioning, and result in cut off from family and social support because of feelings of stigma and perceived judgement.
Our philosophy in working with the bereaved is guided by Wolfelt's concept of companioning. In companioning, we build a therapeutic relationship built on trust, safety and non-judgement. Our role is not to analyze or try to alleviate the pain you feel but to walk alongside you so we can understand the depths of your loss and how the loss has impacted your life.
What we know for certain is if you are grieving you need a safe place to share what your life was like before the loss, how your life has changed, who your loved one was and to unravel the sometimes troubling thoughts and emotions that emerge. Together we work towards finding ways to stay connected to your loved one through ritual or other practices. It is important to connect with your loved one to heal from your loss. Our ultimate goal in working with you is to support you so you can authentically mourn your loss. We don't just get over things. At times I wish it was that easy. However, not mourning authentically robs us of the chance to honor and be changed by our loss. We all know the old cliché', 'time heals all wounds'. Although time does help it’s what we do with our time that really makes the difference.
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For more on grief work please see Dr. Alan Wolfelt.
Trauma
A common concern of people we work with who have experienced trauma is 'do I have to tell my story?'. The short answer is you need to tell as much of the story so that you feel we understand you. Some people find having someone witness their story to be healing, while other's find it unnecessary.
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One definition of trauma that is useful for the way we work is any experience which overwhelms a person such that the experience remains unintegrated. Woah. What does that mean? Let's break this complicated definition down. An event may or may not be traumatic to people who experience that event. Two people may go through the same event and one person may be traumatized by it while the other is not. Also, an experience may be a single event (e.g., car accident, abuse, natural disaster), or multiple events (e.g., work stress, dysfunctional relationship, or parental neglect). In trauma, it is as though a part of the person is left in the past. Even though the threat has passed, the feelings have not. This is not to say there is something weak or wrong about a person who is traumatized by an event. Actually, we believe a more accurate description of why some people are traumatized by events and others are not is because of what is in their environment rather then something personal wrong with them. Having said that, the way we focus on helping people with trauma is on an individual level which requires us to understand each person and their situation as unique.
From a research standpoint, the single most predictive factor into whether a person will be traumatized by an event is if that person has someone after the event who can help them process that event. Often this does not happen, and someone (often but not necessarily) such as a counsellor is required help the person work through the trauma so it may resolve.
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In helping people with trauma, pacing and gentleness are key to our approach. Imagine the trauma as an ocean: black, scary, whose depths are unknown. Instead of jumping into the deep it can often be more useful to start on the shore, maybe dipping a toe in.
Working with the body to be highly effective in helping people heal their trauma. For more on trauma, and body-psychotherapy see Peter Levine, and Pat Ogden’s work.
Addiction and Problematic Substance Use
Addiction can be behavioural (gambling, shopping, or sex) or it can be to a substance (drugs and/or alcohol). There are contrasting views towards addiction where some view addiction as a bad choice that a person makes while others view it as a brain disease. The definition that defines how we view addiction is by Dr. Gabor Maté (2009) who defines addiction as “any behaviour in which the individual finds temporary relief or pleasure in - and craves for that reason, despite negative consequences”.
When we work with someone who is struggling with addiction we focus on getting to the underlying feelings and reasons which drive the behaviour. Just stopping a behaviour or the use of substances is not enough. We also acknowledge all addictions are a person’s attempts to self-soothe and cope. Shame and isolation drive all problems, including addiction, into the shadows so it’s important that a person feels a sense of trust and safety with us in order to fully explore these challenges.